Repost My Realization

(First posted somewhere in 2005)

You said, "Come on! Let's go take pictures." You held up your 35mm Nikon. I was so excited.
"Papa! I want to show you my new camera. I got a Nikon, just like you!"
I looked around frantically but I can't find. Where did I put?
You said, "It's ok! Let's go! No time to loose."
"But Papa, I want to show you. It's a digital SLR. I know you would like it.
If you use this, you won't need to develop the pictures anymore."
You said, "But where is it? You forgot to bring? Fine, then. But right now, the day is just right for photographing."
Somewhere, something just isn't quite right.
"But Papa, I thought you died?"
And I woke up.
And I woke up. From this dream. Into another dream.

A voice is telling me, "Your father is dead. He died"
"You are lying!"
"He is dead already! He is not in this world anymore. You will never see him again"
"No! What lie is that? My father is here! Why are you telling these lies? Stop it!"
"He is dead! Dead! Dead! He died!"
"Stop! Stop! Stop!"

Into yet another.

Papa! I ran and hugged you.
I miss you, Papa. I am so glad! Where did you go? Where did you go for so
long? You are here, now. I am so happy. I have so much to tell you.

And another.

Papa! Please don't leave me. I can't survive without you. Please. I am sorry. Please come back.
"You are still waiting? Don't wait up!"
Please... don't leave me. I don't know how to live without you. Don't leave me, please come back.
"Don't wait anymore, I am not coming back."
That is the saddest thing you have ever told me, Papa.

Why? It isn't fair. It's not fair. I am nobody without you. Papa...